breathwork and intimacy
how to stay open-hearted
My first experience with the specific style of breathwork I practice and teach was with my teacher, Krissy Jones, at Sky Ting in New York City. It was a late spring afternoon in Chinatown, and I had no idea what to expect. With our mats set up in a circle, we each shared our intentions for breathing with the group. People hesitantly shared intentions like– to recharge, let go of fear, feel more grounded and present, let go of control. I can’t remember what I said. I’m always looking for clarity. We were then instructed to lay completely flat on the mat with an eye mask covering our eyes. The active portion of the breathing went like this: two inhales, the first inhale directed in the low belly and the second the chest, and one exhale. All through the mouth. Over and over again. That’s it. “Stay with the breath,” Krissy encouraged. “The first few minutes are the hardest. Your mind will tell you to stop, but just keep going,” she directed the group. Energy began to course through my body, my hands cramped up, and I felt myself entering a different state of consciousness. People started screaming, crying, and moaning. What is going on, I thought. With each breath, I felt my bodily sensations increase: tingling, coldness then heat, intense hand cramping, lip numbness. At the end I felt a sense of euphoria and a wave of love towards my family, my partner, past partners, and friends wash over me. I thought of my father and how much he would benefit from a practice like this and I felt the desire to gift him a class.
A year or so and a few breathwork classes later, the idea to teach began recurring. With little contemplation, I signed up for and completed my training with David Elliott in August of 2024. The 8-day intensive training was life-changing. David explained in words what I’d felt so viscerally in that first class with Krissy. Breathwork is extremely effective in moving energy and opening the heart. Something I personally struggle with are blocks around love. This affects every aspect of my intimate relationships. Over the years I’ve noticed that the closer I get to people the more I shut off love. I’m less interested in connecting with my partner sexually and romantically. The quality of my thoughts become bitter and comparative. Breathwork is a tool I use to move from my mind, my psyche-centered life, and into my heart and the somatic body. It helps me shift from a transactional lens of the world towards a softer, more loving perspective. The nature of my thoughts become kinder and more thoughtful of others after a breathwork session. I feel more emotionally connected in my personal relationships. I’m generally less concerned with myself– which tends to be the root of my dis-ease in general. I like the metaphor of trauma being stored in the body as an energetic block or imprint, and the breath as a tool to sweep those imprints up and out in the form of emotional release.
I remember in the weeks leading up to my breathwork training I felt like I had lost touch with the universe. I was no longer noticing the signs and little winks from god that I was on the right track. I felt depressed and was mentally and physically sick. The self-awareness I gained in therapy was doing nothing towards changing my life. The training provided a container to not just examine, but actually process, my internal landscape on a psychosomatic level. The first few sessions of breathing I literally felt like my heart was trapped in a chinese finger trap, and the more I tried to breathe through it, the tighter it got. I asked David about this after. “Is there any heart disease in your family?” He asked me. “Yes,” I replied, “a lot.” “Now you know what it’s like to have a heart attack,” he said. By the end of the training, I accessed a reservoir of emotion and felt safe to express it in a way I hadn’t in years. My frame of awareness had shifted such that I began to notice the little nudges from the universe reminding me that I am on the right path and that I am connected to a source much larger than my comprehension. These reminders came in the form of dreams, dragonflies, squirrels, feathers, and people. For the first time ever, I felt the sense that I was perfect just the way I am. While that experience of self-love comes and goes, I now have the reference of actually feeling that in my bones.
My teacher David says that breathwork is the fastest, cheapest and most effective method towards healing. I would agree. If you’re interested in experiencing it for yourself I’d recommend his free guided tapes on Spotify. I also teach group classes in New York City which you can attend here, as well as private 1x1 sessions.
My next class is this Sunday at Sky Ting in Noho at 5:30pm.
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